Ted Cruz, captain of the anti-vax Dream Team

Ted Cruz

Illustration: Getty Images

Where do we start talking about Ted Cruz? He’s a politician through and through in the worst sense of the word, a deeply cynical man who not only thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, but who everyone else is too stupid to see through his greasy facade. Ted Cruz is an older and more dangerous Eddie Haskell, one who thinks Mrs. Cleaver is charming, when in reality he is less aware of her greasy visage than everyone else in the room. That said, and his attempts to overthrow the Republic and democracy aside, he’s also a huge idiot.

In February, as the state of Texas was facing a massive power outage that saw both the Stars and the Mavericks having to postpone matches and, more importantly, resulted in the deaths of over 200 people, Cruz attempted to sneak away to Cancun. with his family, and only returned to seek help for his constituents when he was caught at the airport and forced back from social media.

We’ve already mentioned that Cruz thinks he’s much, much smarter than the rest of us, and he basically blamed abandoning her state during a climate crisis event on her teenage daughters, who were 10 and 12 years old at the time. So profile-in- courage to you, Ted! In a breathtaking show of cruelty, the Cruz family they left their dog, Snowflake, home alone, in the same cold, dark and helpless house that Heidi Cruz deigned to be uninhabitable for his family, because it was, in his words, “FROST”. This is probably not too surprising. How much, actually, can expect the family dog ​​da Cruz, who has spent the last four years sniffing the stinking chair of the boy who called him publicly ugly wife? If you don’t stand up for your life partner, the family poodle really doesn’t stand a chance.

All of this happened before we even got to March, when we thought COVID might be over by last summer. This was before Delta and Omicron raised their variant heads, and as summer faded into fall, it became clear that nothing in America was returning to normal, partly because a huge swath of Americans refused to get vaccinated against the COVID. And guess who is fueling support for anti-vaccinists across America and especially in the sports world? You understand, Ted Cruz.

let’s be clear, Ted Cruz is vaccinated. by Ted Cruz the whole family is vaccinated. Ted Cruz knows that more than 800,000 Americans have died from COVID (hey, remember when The Former Guy estimated total COVID deaths at around 60,000? It was a funny fantasy). Ted Cruz doesn’t care, because Ted Cruz and his wrong beard know that harnessing the far right is his only hope of staying in power and, someday, being president. And Ted Cruz desperately wants to be president.

That’s why you never hear that Ted Cruz is vaccinated or that Ted Cruz “supports” vaccines, but you see Ted Cruz all over TV and on social media defending those who refuse to get vaccinated. As the second favorite anti-vaxxer in sports – after Aaron Rodgers – Kyrie Irving. Ted, who still hasn’t figured out how to use Twitter without being beaten on the head for every stupid thing he says, loves putting his weight on the sports ball:

Damn, if only Ted felt like he was “your body, your choice” when it came to other things, like, for example, reproductive freedom. But let’s digress:

If you don’t think Ted was candid in his tweets and didn’t play snide games to lure sports fans to Isengard, you should know that he’s also picked a Twitter brawl. with Big Bird above vaccinations for children.

In a year full of big decisions by Ted Cruz, weighing on sports and vaccinations were among the worst even if, as we have seen, not the fund for the Texas senator. Ted Cruz, who often talks derisively about Black Lives Matter and uses BLM protests to excuse Capitol riots for attempting to subvert the Constitution, doesn’t give a damn about Kyrie Irving’s freedom in any sense outside of vaccinations. COVID, because it’s that thing that can twist for political gain. Ted Cruz has no real objection to vaccines or warrants. Ted Cruz thinks he’s smart. Ted Cruz thinks you won’t notice.

Ted Cruz is an idiot.


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