Me and all the other Bears fans have gotten too used to this Black Monday cycle. Third time in eight years, the seventh time in my life. And there should be a routine. News of any drugs your team is firing comes out in the morning. We then hear about a press conference scheduled for the day. So either your GM gets up and lets some shit slip out of his mouth about why he’s firing the idiot he hired in the first place, or the one he was stuck with. Or, some executive even higher than the GM and even worse at talking to the press crawls into a room they forgot existed and says even more incomprehensible bullshit about why they’re firing both the GM and the coach. Not that you need it, because the reason is almost always: “We suck our asses and wish we didn’t suck our asses anymore.” Except in Miami, apparently.
And after that, no matter how deluded, disoriented, or backward you think your property is (and those of us here in Chicago would definitely be in the red when evaluating all three of these categories when it comes to the McCaskey family), there is it should be at least a few days of hope. There is always a list of at least a few hot coordinator names or the big fish that has been out of the game for a couple of years and is on TV.
Surely even a group owned by shoelaces tied for decades could just land on one by accident. They fall all the time, so it makes sense that only once will they fall on the right person.
Sure, finding a GM is more complicated, but you want to believe that almost anyone can look at successful organizations across the league, and just snatch someone from one of them and then tell that person, “Do it here.”
Here in town, the Ricketts family figured this out too, and they are one of the largest collections of horned mannequins you can find.
And from this, even if we call it “blind” optimism or hope, it is enough to live on. Virtually every other team in the NFL gets by at some point (and sure enough some of them are owned and operated by giblets drowning in the rain who somehow have a lot of money), and those giblets themselves occasionally find people. just simply why.
It should lead up to training camp, because really, what the fuck do any of us know until you can see something on the field? Maybe your team gets so rusty in draft or free agency that you can’t make it until the end of July, but there should be some time.
We don’t even understand it now.
Part One Was Today For The Chicago Bears There was a surprise when it was announced that GM Ryan Pace would be getting the criminal out of Halas Hall along with head coach Matt Nagy. In the past few weeks, rumors have been circulating that Pace would be kept, or moved to another location that would be essentially meaningless, and there was some aneurysm fuel that he would be promoted to the role of President. football that most have clamored for the team to create. All of this because we knew the property loved Pace personally, while he went to church with them, or as my partner said on our Chicago sports podcast @torqpenderloin, Pace “goes to the same clandestine bar where they serve room temperature chocolate milk.” .
But Pace has the papers. Maybe, just maybe, they were seeing what we’ve all seen, which is a team that has mud in the tires, engine, gearbox and everywhere that makes it look like an elephant dying of dysentery every time it gets up and runs.
This lasted until President George McCaskey got behind a presser microphone to explain his logic. Now, sports owners who don’t hog the spotlight because they think every thought they have is a gift to the world (your Cohens, your Joneses, your Cubans), tend to never talk because they don’t think we’re entitled to it. So McCaskey sucks talking to the press.
I have no idea if a press conference affects a potential candidate’s desire for the job. If they’ve been working in the NFL for a while, chances are they’ve been working for some nonsense somewhere down the line. If he does, the Bears are absolutely screwed.
It started with McCaskey using the recently deceased Bears reporter’s son Jeff Dickerson as an excuse to admonish the entire fandom for a couple of dozen high school kids taunting Nagy’s kids. He called Olin Kreutz, a beloved former player and now keen local TV analyst, a liar. He told us that Bill Polian, who has been out of the league for 10 years and didn’t think Lamar Jackson could play QB (certainly not because he’s black, nosireebob!) Would have a major voice in hiring a GM. The structure of the Bears will not change, other than the fact that a GM will report directly to McCaskey instead of his usual middleman, Ted Phillps, a sweat gland who has become conscious. And McCaskey then explained why he’s not really qualified to make football decisions, so it’s great for someone who is to answer him. And then he told us that the “property” is happy that he continues to be president. “Property” is his mother, who has three days more than water.
So while housekeeping is always the foundation for most football hopes, we now know we just hope the Bears can find the right people by accident. They have almost done this in the past, even though they have ruined everything at the last hurdle. They could have had Bruce Ariani. They have Marc Trestman. They could have had Dave McGinnis, who would have named Mike Martz OC before he got to St. Louis. We had Martz after the league cracked his code a long time ago. They messed them up with fake press conferences and announcing hires before they were actually official.
We cannot hope for real change. Let’s just hope for stupid luck. Emphasis on “stupid”.